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  I amble around the pristine lobby making sure everything is perfect before walking through the door marked Executive Offices. I don’t consider myself an executive, but I’m working toward it. I began working in the hotel industry my sophomore year in college when I needed the money to pay my tuition. At first it was just a means to an end, but once I got there I realized I was good at it. I came to work for Holt Properties after graduation and have been promoted numerous times as a result of my hard work.

  I glance at my watch as I slide onto the cool leather chair behind my desk. “Ten minutes until show time,” I mumble to myself. I wiggle the mouse of my computer, bringing it to life, then scan the reservations list to see who may be staying and breathe a breath of relief when I don’t see any celebrities. They often draw crowds or have messy, in-room parties. Sometimes both.

  I dial into the teleconference center with a nervous flutter in my stomach.

  “Good morning!” I hear a woman’s voice greet me.

  “Good morning, Jane?” I ask, assuming it is Jane Daniels, Vice President of Human Resources.

  “Yes, it’s me. I guess I should have clarified that. I do these conference calls so often that I’ve forgotten my manners,” she finishes with a laugh.

  “Good morning, ladies. Jim Holt here… I haven’t forgotten mine.” He laughs, bringing a smile to my face. Mr. Holt is the seventy-two-year-old founder of Holt Properties. He’s very much involved in the day-to-day activities and shows a special interest in the growth of his employees. From what I hear, he sits in on every one of these placement calls.

  Once everyone has joined the call and we’ve gone through the formalities, we begin to discuss its purpose.

  “Miss West, this is Arthur. I’m going to be frank. I’m concerned about your inexperience. You only just moved to the New York market less than six months ago. I don’t know that you have enough experience or that it would be cost effective to move an assistant manager from our New York location to our Seattle location. Is there a reason you’ve requested the transfer?”

  A pang of guilt hits me with his question.

  I take a deep breath before countering his opposition. “Arthur, I understand your concern because I’ve only been the assistant manager of The Stanford New York for four months, but I’ve been acting manager for three of those months. I watched several markets before moving here, and with all due respect to those who I work with and for, I can’t imagine the Seattle property being a more difficult location than New York City. Please don’t take this disrespectfully, but I see more growth potential in the Seattle market for me.” I’m one part pleased and another disgusted at how freely my lie rolls from my mouth, but its practiced precision is five weeks in the making.

  “Arthur, Miss West, this is Jim Holt. We’ve gotten off course rather quickly in this call and I feel like I need to intervene and put us back on track. We’re not here to discuss Miss West’s credentials. She’s been with us for a long time and her personnel file is a reflection of how she’s grown right here at Holt Properties. She should be proud of her experience, we certainly are. Miss West has been interviewed and this call was more about the logistics of getting her to Seattle, not whether or not anyone thinks she deserves to be there. That goes without question. Welcome to Seattle, Miss West,” he says firmly.

  We wrap up the details before disconnecting. I’m left in shock at how quickly this is going to happen. I feel like I should be jumping from my seat with happiness and anticipation, but I don’t feel either of those. I initially requested the transfer knowing I’m too weak to stay away from Austin, but so much has changed in the five weeks since.

  “Hey, stranger!” Kelly calls out when I walk into her kitchen.

  “It hasn’t been that long,” I say, feigning ignorance. Kelly Mills has been my best friend since we were little girls. It isn’t hard for her to know when I’m hiding something or lying. I haven’t had it in me to confess to my one night stand with Austin, so I’ve stayed away, not showing my face so that she couldn’t see the deceit that’s there.

  “Uh yeah, it has! I may have heard your voice, but I haven’t seen your beautiful face in six weeks,” she says, pointing the oversized wooden spoon in her hand at me.

  I slide onto the stool opposite the island and scan the counter. “What the hell are you making?” I ask, ignoring her comment while looking at the dirty bowls, sugar, and dusting of flour sprinkled across the granite.

  She sighs heavily and puts the spoon down with a thud. “I don’t fucking know. These high society bitches out here in the burbs are always one-upping each other. I got asked—no, told I needed to bring cupcakes. I’m not fucking Betty Crocker! My husband is a rock star for crying out loud!”

  “Buy them,” I retort.

  “I can’t. They’re supposed to be homemade.”

  “Kell, you know their nannies are making them, don’t you?” I ask sardonically as I watch her mix some lumpy stuff in a bowl.

  “Yeah, well I didn’t ask for that qualification when I hired mine. Stupid me,” she snickers.

  “Next time.”

  “Yeah, next nanny needs to know how to cook, for sure.” She laughs, picking up another ingredient.

  “Hey, Amber,” Kyle greets me as he enters the room.

  I smile, sneaking a peek at his lean frame that seems more muscular than it was just six weeks ago. A shard of jealousy hits me when he walks around the counter and lovingly kisses Kelly’s cheek. They started dating in high school, around the same time Silver Knight was formed in a rundown garage behind his house. The day they signed with a label, Kyle proposed. Ten years later they’re married, have two kids with one more on the way, and a massive house in an affluent neighborhood outside of the city.

  My smile falls and my heart begins thundering inside my chest when Austin steps into the room. His stride falters briefly when our eyes connect before resuming toward the other side of the kitchen without saying a word.

  Kelly’s staring at me, silently questioning his brush off. I offer a subtle shrug playing dumb. “Did you guys get it figured out?” Kelly asks, turning her attention to Kyle.

  “Not really. Ashton hasn’t given us a date, but he says he’s ready to make the official announcement when we are. I don’t want to rush it. We’ve recorded almost everything for the new album, but we need to figure out the legal stuff,” he finishes with a shrug. “Anyway, Austin’s got to get his ass into the studio to practice if he expects to keep us on top,” Kyle teases.

  I glance back at Austin, but he’s not looking at me. He won’t look at me.

  “Ashton’s quitting Silver Knight and Austin’s back in,” Kyle says like he’s comfortable with the idea.

  My eyes widen at the news. “Austin, will you be okay?” I ask softly.

  His gaze snaps in my direction, his face pinched tight with an offensive look. “I’m fine,” he states flatly before looking away.

  Kelly and Kyle’s eyes cut an invisible path through the sudden tension looking from him to me. Realizing I won’t be telling Kelly about my move today, I smile weakly before jumping from the stool. “I need to go,” I say, carefully masking my emotions. “I’ll call you. I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay, call me tonight.” Kelly’s voice is distant as her focus remains on Austin, disapprovingly.

  I make it as far as my car when I hear my name being carried by the cool air of the approaching winter. I glance back to see Austin putting on his jacket and jogging down the driveway in my direction.

  “Hey,” he says, stopping in front of me.

  “Hi.” I need to tell him I’m leaving, but as I scan our surroundings, I know this isn’t the time or place.

  “Why haven’t you returned any of my calls?” he asks, searching my eyes.

  “I’ve been busy.” My gaze drops to his chest with my lie. Fog blows like a thick cloud from my mouth as I let out a heavy breath. I look up, meeting his beautiful green eyes once again. “Austin, you and I know
what we are together. We’re better off as friends, and we crossed the line that night. It was great, but it can’t happen again,” I say delicately.

  I see his jaw set and the pronounced shift of his Adam’s apple with a hard swallow. He fights the anger that I see sliding over his features as he silently holds my eyes captive with his own.

  “Austin, are you sure you’re up to rejoining the band? There’s so much temptation in that lifestyle. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  “Hurt?” I can hear the bite in his single word response. “How about the morning I woke up to find a fucking note that says talk to you later, and then you didn’t return any of my calls or texts. Did you think that wouldn’t hurt?”

  My eyes moisten with the cut of every word. His stance remains hard, but his tone softens with pain. “I felt you tense that night when I said I loved you. I know your head is at war with your heart, but you still love me. What we have is special, Amber. It’s unending. You know it, and I know it. When are you going to quit denying it?”

  “Aus, we can’t be together. Look what’s happened every other time. Sometimes people are just bad for each other. How many trips to rehab do you need to make before you figure out I’m bad for you?” I plead softly, tears burning a trail down my cheeks.

  “I love you, Amber. I’ve never stopped and never will.”

  He steps closer, the heat from his body warming mine. I lift my gaze as he steps closer, putting one foot between mine. His heavy breath fans my face as he lowers his lips, and I take a deep breath, lost in anticipation of his touch…

  When my stomach turns with the scent of his cologne.

  I step back, needing to clear my nose. I open my mouth and take a deep cleansing breath. “I have to go.” My words come out as a whisper around the rising bile in my throat.

  I waste no time stepping back, getting in my car and driving away. I have to leave Austin behind. He has a bright future ahead of him and I can’t be the reason for his fall…

  Again.

  I stare at the double pink lines on the pregnancy test with a heavy heart. The old Amber would have been ecstatic to be carrying Austin’s baby, but the twenty-seven-year-old Amber knows how toxic two people can be for one another. Years of on and off dating, alcohol, drugs, near overdose, one arrest, and three runs of rehab have a way of clarifying that for a person.

  How the hell did this happen? I take my pill religiously… but I’ve never gone without a condom before.

  My doorbell rings, forcing an end to my pity party. I rub my tears as I walk toward the door. “What are you doing here?” I ask, shocked to see Austin. His gaze drops from mine, looking at my red splotchy face.

  “Have you been crying?”

  My heart tightens when I hear the slur in his words. “Are you drunk, Austin?” I ask, ignoring his question. He squares his shoulders before stepping into my apartment without an invitation. I don’t need a response. I can smell the answer as he brushes by.

  “Give me your keys!” I demand, extending my hand.

  He turns quickly with a stumble before placing them in my hand and flashing a sloppy version of his cocky grin. “You don’t have to hold me hostage to get me to stay the night.” I storm past him to my phone on the counter and send his brother a text.

  “Did you just tell on me?” he asks casually as he strolls aimlessly around my apartment. His question doesn’t deserve an answer so I don’t give him one. He spends the next ten minutes silently staring at a wall of old framed pictures. He pauses when he sees the bundles of moving boxes leaning against the wall.

  “So it’s true. You’re leaving?”

  “Why are you doing this, Austin?”

  “Doing what?” He turns in my direction and stumbles again.

  “This!” I say, pointing my finger up and down at him. “Are you just drunk or high too?”

  “I just needed a little to take the edge off.”

  “That’s how this always starts, Aus. You have to stay clean. Please,” I plead softly.

  “What the fuck do you care?” he shouts.

  “I do care! I can’t believe you don’t see that. But I can’t be in your life. Every time you’ve been to rehab, I’ve had something to do with it, Austin. Tell me, did you start drinking before or after Kelly told you about my transfer?” His gaze drops to the floor, telling me what I already knew. “You’re drunk because of me. Why can’t you see it and move on?” My words feel like acid coming from my mouth.

  “We’re meant to be together, Amber. Remember how good we used to be?” he says as he steps closer, defying all boundaries of personal space.

  “Every day, Austin,” I say, closing my eyes to block out the hypnotic effect his green eyes have on me. “But you standing here, slipping away in front of my very eyes, reminds me of how bad we can be too,” I whisper, stepping back.

  “We’ve changed, Amber. We’re not that same couple.” He steps forward again.

  “You’re still using and I’m still running. We haven’t changed,” I say softly as I open my eyes.

  “I’ll change for you, Amber. Only you.” He lifts his hand to my neck and his thumb slides gently across my cheek. I’m lost in him again. “Home,” he whispers, looking in my eyes.

  A sharp rap on the door startles me from the trance he’s put me in. I step away from his touch. “That’s your ride.” I clear my throat but my words still come out hoarse.

  I open the door and meet Ashton’s grave expression. “I was just around the corner. Thanks for letting me know,” he says remorsefully. I dig Austin’s keys from my pocket, deposit them into Ashton’s large hand, and step to the side. “Let’s go,” he snaps sharply in Austin’s direction.

  My gaze drops to the floor as Austin passes. I can’t bear to see him walk away. I want to hold him tight as he tells me everything is going to be okay, but he’s not capable of that assurance. I see his legs pause just outside the door before resuming down the hall and out of my life.

  This time for good.

  Austin…

  “Get Up!”

  I hear the rage through my subconscious, rattling me awake. I open my eyes as the blinds are yanked open and bright light streams harshly across my face.

  “Fuck, Ashton. What the hell?” I run my fingers over my scalp, trying to soothe my pounding head.

  “We need to talk,” he says, standing over me scowling with his hands on his hips.

  “Is this my intervention?” I joke as I sit up, rubbing the sleepiness from my face.

  “Don’t fucking toy with me, Austin! I’m in no mood for your shit. Do you know how bad I wanted to rip your head off last night? The last thing in the world I expected was to get a text from Amber. And her of all people! Stay the fuck away from her!”

  “Why, because she’s a trigger? I fucking love her. I always have and always will!” I grab my exploding head and storm into the bathroom, slamming the door for added effect.

  I start the shower before looking at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t like the person I’m becoming. I’m angry, bitter, and it’s my fault. I look at my bloodshot eyes until the steam covers the mirror blocking my view.

  “About fucking time!” Kyle calls out when I surface from my long shower. The entire band is sitting around the living room. I lock eyes with Ashton, who’s leaning against the kitchen island with his arms crossed over his chest, a menacing expression directed at me.

  “So this is my intervention?” I say sarcastically as I glance around the room. Ashton’s tall frame catches my attention as he leaps from the kitchen, but Kyle grabs him, holding him back firmly.

  I raise my hands, signaling surrender. “I’ve already called my sponsor. I’m on my way to a meeting,” I explain before any of them can start telling me how much I fucked up.

  “No, you’re not. At least not until you’ve listened to what we have to say,” Kyle says, hesitantly releasing his grip on Ashton.

  “Sit!” Ashton demands, pushing himself from the counter walking to
ward me. I slide onto the chair in the corner as five sets of eyes look in my direction.

  “We’re taking a huge leap of faith, man,” Kyle begins. “You’re my best friend and I’d do anything for you, but I won’t let this band fail because of you either. We’ve climbed to the top, and we’d like to stay there with you, but we need to know you’re going to follow through this time.”

  I scrub my face with the palms of my hands. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees as I glance around the room. All eyes are on me. “I’m sorry. I fucking lose control when it comes to Amber. Can you imagine someone telling you that you couldn’t be with Kelly?” I look to Kyle, before sliding my gaze to Ashton. “Or Meagan?”

  “It’s different, Austin. We’re not recovering addicts. You’ve got to stay healthy. And if adding her to the list of things that are off limits accomplishes that, then that’s what you need to do. If you can’t, you need to tap out now,” Ashton says.

  I glance around the room and see the hope in Charlie’s eyes. He’s been through rehab but toured the last time without issue. “I can do it. It won’t happen again. I’ll stay away from her,” I promise, looking each of them in the eyes.

  “Thank fucking God!” Trevor calls out in relief. “I thought I was going to have to kick your ass!”

  My nerves are wound tight as I push through the doors of the community center. I just left the band with a promise to stay away from Amber. A promise I knew I would break the minute it came from my mouth. I’m filled with a sudden sadness as I’m reminded she’ll be gone in just a few days and I did nothing to stop her. Probably only encouraged it.

  “Austin.” My gaze lifts to meet the man who has treated me like his own since meeting him several months ago. When I first got back to New York, I started volunteering at this community center and met Ralph right away. He’s a recovering alcoholic, and while his addiction only scratched the surface of the fucked up things I’ve done, his stern angle is exactly what I need.