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  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Epilogue…

  Acknowledgements

  Edited by Jennifer Roberts-Hall

  Cover by Regina Wamba at Mae I Design

  Formatting by Kassi Cooper of Kassi’s Kandids Formatting

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  I INHALED THE SMELLS, sights and sounds of the city as I stepped from the warmth of my building onto the crowded Manhattan sidewalk. My eyes and ears worked much like my lungs, drawing in the images and sounds of the city. I walked the next two blocks on a sensory high: angry taxi cab drivers laying on their horns, the scent of gas from nearby idling busses, the blanket of yellow taxi’s lining the streets and the dizzying height of the buildings.

  Yep, I loved this city.

  Being a new resident of New York, I had to pinch myself that this was my new life. It was a dream of mine from as far back as I could remember. A dream of mine I never thought would come true. If it weren’t for the love and support of my older brother, Owen, it would probably be a dream I’d still be dreaming.

  When I entered the upscale Diablo’s, I scanned the bar area looking for Leah. I saw an arm waving from the crowd near the bar and felt a sense of relief. I didn’t mind crowds, but I wasn’t fond of walking into a packed bar alone on a Friday night.

  Leah’s warm smile greeted me as I approached. “Cliff just went to the bathroom!” she called out loud enough for me to hear her over the crowd. I nodded in response. The two rowdy guys behind her were enough to drown out any conversation, but Leah made several failed attempts at leaning in to talk to me. Eventually, she gave up and we both laughed.

  This normally wasn’t my scene, but I was trying to step from my comfort zone. Both Leah and I were classically trained musicians and fortunate enough to hold a seat on one of the “big five” orchestras, ours based here in New York. We were two of no more than ten musicians in our age group. We hit it off immediately and, being new to the city, it was helpful to have a friend.

  Cliff hooked his arms around her waist, pulling her into an embrace while he nuzzled in her neck. I couldn’t hear, but I knew she giggled. Cliff was her fiancé and he was never shy of showing his affection in a censored, respectful way. And each time I saw it, I felt a pang of jealousy over what they had.

  Leah pushed Cliff away, feigning annoyance before smiling wide at him and kissing him on the cheek sweetly. She whispered something in his ear; he nodded and snaked his way through the crowd, getting closer to the bar. The two men behind us had finally settled down and were talking and laughing at an acceptable tone.

  “I asked him to get us a drink.” She leaned in, still having to yell over the normal hum of the crowd.

  “Thank you, this place is crazy! Is it always like this?”

  “No, I don’t think so.” She shook her head, looking apologetic.

  Leah was a beautiful friend. Not just because of her dark silky hair, almond-shaped green eyes and perfect body because as beautiful as she was on the outside, she was even more so on the inside. She was trying desperately to help me break out of my shell and get over a heartache I wasn’t sure I was ready to move past.

  What I felt for Ashton Harris made me feel whole. And although our relationship was fleeting, it had made me feel alive with every fiber of my being. I hadn’t realized how numb I was until he’d entered my life. And it wasn’t until he was gone that I truly understood the meaning of heartbreak. The heart clenching physical hurt was unbearable and affected my every thought. The pain consumed me.

  And so did Ashton.

  Without even trying, he controlled my every thought. I couldn’t let him ruin me so I’d ended it before it had ever begun. I needed the numbness again. And although I’d heard word through a friend that he hadn’t taken my rejection well, he hadn’t tried to call me since moving to New York.

  Cliff returned, pushing a half-filled wine glass in my direction with a big smile and news that our table was ready.

  Thank God.

  The hostess seated us in a much quieter section of Diablo’s. The food was excellent here, but I could now say affirmatively that I was not a fan of the bar.

  “How can it be so quiet over here, yet just over there it’s so loud you can’t hear yourself think?” Leah giggled, using her finger as added emphasis.

  “There’s a celebrity here tonight. That’s why it’s so busy. News travels quickly in the technological word that we live in,” Cliff stated flatly as he looked over his menu.

  Cliff was a nice guy, but he was kind of a stick in the mud and didn’t seem to pair well with Leah in terms of personality or looks. His family was in the telecommunications business and he was some sort of executive for them. He was loaded and at first I’d wondered if that was what Leah saw in him. But after getting to know her better and spending more time with the two of them together, her love for him was undeniably genuine.

  “Oh, I wonder who it is, Meagan. You should get over there and mingle. Wouldn’t it be great to date a celebrity?” she said wistfully. Cliff gazed briefly over the top of his menu at her as he muttered something to himself.

  “Don’t get your boxers in a wad over there. I didn’t say it was for me. I’m thinking about Meagan. She’s the single one,” she teased.

  “No, thank you.” I smiled sweetly before I took another sip of my wine.

  “Haven’t you ever wondered what that would feel like? To have someone everyone wants?” she asked, looking at the backside of Cliff’s menu. She was goading him, but he wasn’t paying enough attention to figure it out. She shook her head and exhaled loudly in defeat.

  After dinner, I excused myself to find the restroom, but I got turned around and ended up on the wrong side of the restaurant and back in the bar. I saw the sign and figured one was as good as another, so I shimmied through the crowd making my way toward the bathrooms in the far corner.

  I started down the dimly lit hallway when a large beefy arm shot out across my chest, blocking my way. I was momentarily stunned by the firmness and unforgiving movement when I ran into it full stride.

  “You can’t go in there,” a deep rumble of a voice said sternly.

  I followed the tree limb sized arm where it attached to the largest African American man I had ever seen. He stared down at me, looking like he was prepared to fight. I looked at him quizzically.

  “You can’t go in there.” He gave me a pointed lo
ok that told me there was no room for argument. “It’s occupied,” he added.

  I stepped back and nodded, ready to turn on my heel when the bathroom door swung open, lighting the dim hallway. My eyes landed on the black combat style boots and then traveled up the length of the long powerful legs that were fitted so perfectly in a pair of worn jeans. His long fingers held tightly around the denim near his crotch as he was still in the midst of pulling up his zipper as he strode from the men’s room. Embarrassed for gawking, my eyes quickly darted to the pair of muscular, tattooed forearms before flitting to the brunette who stumbled from the same bathroom doorway, clinging onto him. My eyes landed on his and my heart plummeted to my stomach.

  Ashton.

  For a brief second, I was certain I saw pain on his face, but then it was gone. Maybe it had been my own pain reflecting back at me. His mouth turned up on the corner as he gave me a cocky grin; the same cocky grin that stole my breath months ago outside of my brother’s house is Nashville.

  “So you’re here?” His words slurred.

  I stood still, transfixed on the man standing before me. We both live in the same city now, so I knew this day would come. I’d tried to prepare myself, but I wasn’t prepared. I couldn’t have prepared my heart for the intensity of this pain. I could feel the crumbling of it with every beat.

  The brunette grew impatient with our staring contest and started getting restless. She wrapped herself around him, whispering something in his ear. He seemed unaffected at first, his eyes never leaving mine, but then gave in, flashing his cocky grin in her direction. He grabbed her by the nape of her neck and planted his mouth over hers. My stomach lurched, threatening to lose its contents at the exposed rolling of tongues in their sloppy kiss.

  I turned and ran for the restaurant to get my purse and excuse myself for the night. As I stood next to our table, trying to calmly explain to both Leah and Cliff that I wasn’t feeling well and had to go, Ashton walked into the restaurant. He paused by the entrance from the bar as he scanned the room for me. The room suddenly seemed smaller and I felt as if I was being hunted by a predator. I ducked into my seat and both Leah and Cliff gave me odd glances.

  My attempt to evade him failed. Ashton saw me and heads turned as he stalked in my direction. He was a force to be reckoned with. His long powerful stride ate the distance between us. He stood at our table, silently glaring down at me. I swallowed hard as I raised my eyes to his. His expression was stoic as his brown eyes burned into my blue.

  His eyes flashed at Cliff, who sat there gawking at him as everyone else did. “Are you with him?” he asked, his voice low with pain.

  I shook my head almost violently, then grabbed my purse and ran for the door. As I crossed the threshold of the exit, I glanced back to see the anguish on Ashton’s face standing near the table, his fists clenched as he watched me escape.

  I ran the two blocks to my apartment, not taking in the sights or sounds that I loved so much. I needed the safety of my apartment. I needed numbness.

  I breezed past the doorman to the elevator and into my apartment as quickly as I could. Once inside, I locked the door and sunk to the floor, feeling the weight of my battered emotions. After my sobs had calmed and my breathing had steadied, I was left with only the lonely silence of my apartment.

  The vibration of my phone in my purse broke through the quiet of the room, replacing my thoughts of Ashton with thoughts of Leah. I needed to call her to explain, but wasn’t sure I could get the words out. The humming vibration stopped then started again. I reached for it to see Leah’s name across the screen. I decided to answer.

  “Meagan, are you okay?” she asked anxiously.

  “I will be. I just needed to get out of there.”

  “I’m on my way over. Cliff is taking me to the store for snacks so we can comfort you with junk food,” she said lightheartedly.

  I really wasn’t feeling up to it, but I didn’t want to be alone. “Okay, I’ll call the front desk and let them know your coming,” I replied quietly.

  Thirty minutes later, Leah arrived at my door, thankfully alone. She came bearing gifts of the edible kind. Every type of junk food was within the two bags she carried: crunchy to creamy, sweet to salty, and just about everything in between. She unpacked everything from their bags and finished with a satisfied smile as she surveyed the buffet of calories lining the concrete countertop.

  She grabbed spoons from the drawer and we padded off toward the couch with our pints of ice-cream. We sat comfortably, digging in for several minutes before she couldn’t hold back any longer.

  “So you never told me that heartache you were suffering was courtesy of thee Ashton Harris of Silver Knight—the hottest rock band on the planet!” She shook her spoon at me.

  I nodded and took several more bites of my ice cream. She was right. All this junk food was making me feel better. “Yeah, it’s actually pretty stupid of me to be so affected by seeing him tonight as we’ve never officially dated. We just spent time together when he was in Nashville over the summer shooting a music video.”

  “How do you just hang out with a guy like Ashton Harris?” she asked skeptically.

  “I met him at my brother’s house. He’s friends with Owen’s boyfriend, Phillip, who is the friend of Reese who was dating James David.”

  “So what happened?”

  “It wasn’t meant to be,” I answered quietly. I didn’t know if that was entirely true. I’d ended it before I thought I would get hurt.

  “I don’t know, Meagan. He seemed like he wanted you pretty bad tonight. Why else would he come stalking in there? I saw pure torment on that man’s face. I know this isn’t funny, and for the record, I love my man to the moon and back, but when he asked Cliff if you two were an item Cliff couldn’t even speak. I don’t know if he was starstruck or intimidated, but he could only point at me. I saw the relief on Ashton’s face when he did. Then he turned and walked out after you.”

  Leah hopped up and returned to the counter to choose the second course of our junk food feast. “So you know James David?” she called out from the kitchen.

  “Yes, and he’s a really nice guy. He can be intense, but if you’re his friend, he’ll do anything for you.”

  James was the CEO of the largest record production company in the country. He had been living in New York, but now lived in Nashville with his beautiful wife, Reese. I didn’t bother to go into the fact that we were sitting in one of James’s properties at this very minute. When Owen learned that I got the chair in the orchestra, he’d called James for help in securing a nice apartment in a city where they were hard to come by. Once that call was made, I’d immediately landed this super posh place. Owen insisted on paying the rent so I had no idea how much this place cost, but judging by my affluent neighbors, I assumed it was a pretty penny.

  “Shit, Meagan, I had no idea you were so well connected.”

  “I’m not. My brother is.” I smiled for the first time in what seemed like hours.

  In the morning light, the overwhelming clenching had dulled to a small pain in the center of my chest. This is bearable, I tried to convince myself as I walked into the kitchen to start my coffee.

  It was almost nine o’clock on a Saturday morning. I hadn’t slept that late in months. I guess talking into the late hours of the night, followed by tossing and turning for several more would do that.

  I opened my front door to get my paper and was immediately startled by Ashton’s tall frame curled up in the hallway.

  I stood dumbfounded, staring down at his sleeping frame for several long minutes before he started to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he stretched, wincing in pain as he straightened his posture. His eyes landed on my painted toes first then traveled up my bare legs to the bottom of my short silk robe. A smile played on his lips as his eyes continued their course up my body and finally landed on my face.

  “Ashton, what are you doing here?” I asked through clenched teeth, looking up and down the hall. This wasn�
�t the kind of building where you’d expect to see a six foot four tattooed man slumped over, passed out in the hallway.

  He continued his lazy grin as he looked me up and down once more before righting his eyes on mine. “I needed to see you.”

  “Well, you have. Now leave.”

  He jumped to his feet, seemingly unaffected by my words as he closed the distance between us. He stood close, closer than what was considered acceptable by most people’s standards. His much larger frame towered over my already tall five foot ten stature. My body froze at the nearness, his presence infiltrating every one of my senses. I took a step back, trying to create a separation to bring clarity to the situation, but he stepped in sync, nearing again.

  “Ashton, what are you doing here?” I asked nervously.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered as he slowly bent down to cover my mouth with his.

  Flashbacks of the night before raced through my mind of him with that woman. It took everything I had to react in that split second before his mouth made contact. I turned my head and with both hands on his chest, I mustered every ounce of strength to push him away. My efforts were lost against his muscular body. It was like trying to move a mountain. He rested his head on the wall that I was now backed against, caging my body with his.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered again before he pushed away, creating just enough distance to lock his beautiful brown eyes on mine.

  We stood staring at one another, not saying a word. Despite his fatigued appearance, he still managed to rob me of my breath. The pain was so intense that I wasn’t sure that I could say anything. I wanted him so badly, but he was so bad for me. He would shatter me and my dreams. Last night was proof of that.